Many forms of bonding are disappearing—the handshake is one of them.

N. Raghuraman, Management Guru

I saw three different groups at Mumbai airport on Monday morning. One was small and two were big. A large group of them were on the same flight as me. They started gathering at the boarding gate and wishing each other with fist bumps like IPL cricketers. Everyone stood in a circle and when someone greeted them from a distance, they placed their hands on their chest.

If I said Namaste, I would get a reply with Namaste, but hands were also being waved along with it. People would recognize their friends from a distance and come and stand near them in a circle and what happened next surprised me. There, ‘elbow bumps’ were visible everywhere, while the handshake, which was being preserved even during Covid, was standing helplessly outside the circle.

There was not a single handshake in the group of 35 people, including a person sitting in a wheelchair. This made me think that the handshake was about to end. The traditional handshake is already in decline. Research shows that one in four Gen-G teenagers avoids shaking hands with strangers due to social anxiety and preference for digital communication.

Data shows that now social anxiety and hesitation are the main reasons. 75% of 14-29 year olds admit that they find it difficult to communicate face-to-face. Young people today have started considering handshake as strict, a bit strange and old fashioned. As social norms move toward comfort and digital-first communication, new ways of greeting have sidelined the handshake. So what’s popular now?

These include fist bumps, hand claps, high fives, waves, verbal greetings like ‘hi’ or just a nod – especially when people are already comfortable with each other. While 75% of parents are concerned that their children are losing the ability to have personal connections, this shift appears to be related to more informal, less germ-sensitive, and less anxiety-inducing ways of being.

I remember there was a handshake class in our college. We were taught the rules of the ‘perfect’ handshake. These were the three main rules out of those ten. The ‘degree of pressure’ is important. This is called ‘Goldilocks’ – a firm, but light pressure grip. Loose hands were considered a sign of a weak, unreliable or lazy character.

Strict hierarchy (who starts?): You can’t give your hand to just anyone. There was a strict ‘top-down’ protocol. Gender First: A man never extends his hand towards a woman first. He had to wait for the woman to extend her hand. If she didn’t increase, he would simply bow down.

Rank and age: The younger person waited for the elder to start. Socially, the ‘inferior’ used to wait for his ‘superior’. Extending one’s hand first towards a person of higher status was considered ‘forced initiative’.

Focus on body language: A ‘perfect’ handshake includes correct eye-contact. To steal glances was considered suspicious. This was often accompanied by a handshake and a slight bowing of the head or upper body in a respectful manner. The left hand remained on the side. The handshake alone is not the end. This also includes ‘writing a thank you note’ or ‘making a phone call’ or even ‘writing a letter without emoji’.

The bottom line is that Humans are still tactile creatures. Physical touch, done right, releases oxytocin and builds trust that words can’t create. However, the handshake has lost its status as the ‘default greeting’. So should we write its obituary, or re-invent it? Write your thoughts.

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