N. Raghuraman’s Column – Protect children from a world that values ​​appearances over substance.

N. Raghuraman Management Guru

The sheer volume of emotional stressors our children and teens face today can seem difficult to navigate. These include things like lack of sleep, academic pressure and loneliness. But the problem for which the number of youth getting treated in the world is increasing, is anxiety. And this is also the biggest concern of the parents.

Children with anxiety often avoid things, show extreme fear of separation, or become clingy. They frequently complain of problems like stomach ache, which have no apparent cause. Becomes angry suddenly. Usually such children ask for trust again and again. Here is a collection of advice from many experts in this regard.

Stop Intensive Parenting: We live in an era of ‘helicopter parenting’, where parents always keep an eye on the child. Culture is pressuring us that good parents do not allow conflict to come into their child’s life. One reason for such parenting could also be security concerns. Recently, two caregivers of the crèche of Capgemini’s HAL campus in Brookfield, Bengaluru were arrested after a video of physical abuse of a small child went viral. But unfortunately, the more ‘over parenting’ the parents do, the less capable the child becomes.

Even a 3 year old child can do difficult tasks: I have seen that the first class of music or dance is scary for children. They cry and refuse to leave their mother and go to any other group. But those mothers believe that the child can do it. Most of them say that ‘it seems difficult now, because you have never done it before.’ But Mama knows you can.’ On hearing this, children do not immediately start dancing. Rather, they stand at the classroom door for several weeks. Then gradually they calm down and join the class. The same rule applies when they refuse to go to school.

Feelings are not facts: When the child is upset, you as a parent should not be upset. When you lovingly say, ‘Oh, do you feel bad doing this’, the child’s anxiety increases further. They feel ‘uncomfortable and unsafe’, which leads to feelings of ‘I can’t do this’ or ‘This is not for me.’ So always try to differentiate between emotions and facts.

Academic pressure is the enemy: Many people believe that marks are the most valuable thing in any school. Parents are more interested in their marks than their children and that is why they also start managing their homework closely. If you stop interfering in homework, children will feel more motivated and engaged. Instead of becoming the main actors in their children’s education, parents themselves should play a supportive role.

Loneliness is a big problem: This is the main reason for poor mental health. Help children deal with this by calling their friends home. Let them connect with friends instead of being connected to a screen. Since children need to expend energy, encourage them to do sports, climbing, walking, martial arts, dance, cycling and exercise. A screen can never give such experiences. These are physical ways to reduce stress, develop courage, and tolerate discomfort. You will see that their abilities are increasing. Keep talking to them continuously. For example, while walking around the colony, tell them how many trees there were in this area in your childhood. How did you climb them and what were their names? Also tell them stories from your childhood.

The bottom line is that Protect your children from a world that values ​​appearance more than work. Show them the importance of doing, creating and solving problems rather than consuming, scrolling or just talking about success. In the future, those who do something will always be ahead of those who just watch or talk.

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