He asked me, ‘Would you like coffee or tea?’ I replied, ‘I like coffee better.’ She went to the kitchen and brought tea. I smiled. He felt that something was wrong so he worriedly asked, ‘Isn’t this good?’ I assured him, ‘It’s very good.’ I like tea, especially the one made by you. Hearing this she felt relieved and sat down to drink tea. I have known this aunty since childhood. She was my mother’s best friend and my father’s best friend’s wife. We were neighbors in Sangam Chawl, Nagpur, whose houses had only one wall between them. That colony no longer exists today. Then he asked, ‘Who lives with you at home?’ I had to tell the whole story again that his dear friend, my mother, had passed away long ago. My daughter is married and now only my wife and I live at home. If my answer had been only ‘I and my wife’, then surely the next question she would have asked was ‘What happened to your parents?’ Whenever I go to Bhopal, I definitely meet Kamla Sundaresan aunty. She will turn 86 this October. For the last 45 years, she has been living in the street in front of the famous Hanuman Temple located at 1100 Quarters, Bhopal. The bittersweet beauty of these meetings is that he no longer remembers who I am, even though I have known him for 66 years. In my childhood, she used to feed me and take care of me along with her mother, yet she doesn’t even remember my name. Last Sunday I sat with him for two hours and he did not mention my name even once. When her adopted son Rahul jokingly asked her to identify me, she smiled and said, ‘Who doesn’t know him?’ My time with him reminded me of Japan’s ‘Restaurant of Mistaken Orders’. It’s a unique social pop-up whose entire wait-staff is made up of people living with dementia. Pop-up means that it is not a permanent restaurant but a temporary one in cities like Tokyo, Kyoto and Shizuoka. Customers know that about 40% of the orders there may be wrong, but they still go because there is an atmosphere of familiarity, acceptance and light entertainment. It was founded in 2017 by TV director Shiro Oguni. Its aim is to break down the prejudices surrounding dementia and to show that people living with it are also active and capable members of society. People there are encouraged to enjoy what arrives at the table rather than getting upset if the order arrives wrong. The dining room there is full of deep humanity. For the staff, this interaction provides an opportunity to socialize, reduces loneliness and gives a sense of purpose in life. Aunty now wears only old sarees. Ask her what she will do with the new sarees and she says, ‘I find comfort in them.’ She goes to the bathroom to wash her plate, as she remembers washing plates in the backyard of Sangam Chawl many decades ago. She accuses every maid that they are wasting time standing and not working. Whereas Rahul has instructed all of them to keep an eye on aunty, give her company so that she does not feel lonely. This is why we should not put off meeting our loved ones suffering from dementia by saying, ‘What’s the point? They don’t even recognize us. We should go to meet them, because ‘we recognize them.’ The idea is to visit your own personal ‘Cafe of Mistaken Orders’ (for anyone you know suffering from dementia), the dishes, drinks and conversation may not be what you asked for, but going there will definitely bring solace to your heart.
Source link
N. Raghuraman’s Column: Visit your ‘Cafe of Mistaken Orders’ at least once a month
